A Matter of Semantics: Please do not call it "Eve-teasing"

Eve-teasing. Eve as in the female. Tease- as dictionary.com tells me is

“–verb (used with object)

1. to irritate or provoke with persistent petty distractions, trifling raillery, or other annoyance, often in sport.

2. to pull apart or separate the adhering fibers of (wool or the like), as in combing or carding; comb or card, as wool; shred.

3. to ruffle (the hair) by holding it at the ends and combing toward the scalp so as to give body to a hairdo.

4. to raise a nap on (cloth) with teasels; teasel.

5. Also, teaser. Television Slang. a short scene or highlight shown at the beginning of a film or television show to attract the audience's attention.

–verb (used without object)

6. to provoke or disturb a person or animal by importunity or persistent petty annoyances.

–noun

7. a person who teases or annoys.

8. the act of teasing or the state of being teased.”

All in all two extremely harmless words that get nowhere close to describing the heinousness of the act- rather acts. “Trifling raillery” indeed. Of course it was a trifling raillery that one of my closest friends had to endure the shame of being called a “big baby” because a stalker forced her to be escorted to and from school by her family. He would stand on her route( a mere 5 minute walk) and ogle, follow her and make lewd remarks. “She could have ignored it” was the verdict. Ignored it at the cost of her peace of mind. Kept a straight face and walked on, unmindful of the catcalls, the comments, the combined efforts to make her feel ashamed for the perverts behavior.

And of course it was a “petty distraction” which made my cousin use scarves and belts to strap across her bosom in the vain attempt not to look “grown up”- something which I found hundreds of teenagers doing with bad posture, nearly medieval undergarments- all so that they did not attract unwanted attention. Victim blaming at its most evolved.

Yes, indeed these were minor nuisances. Just like the case on New Years eve in Mumbai where two women were set upon by a gang of 70 or 80 men. Or the not much later incidents in Delhi. Or even those that the “Blank Noise Project” is trying to educate people about.

Because “eve-teasing”( how I detest that word with its archaic images of old Hindi movies with “chhed diya” and a naughty coyness) is an euphemism. But unlike euphemisms, which seek to tone down the darker aspect of things , even while people realize just how deep the impact is, eve-teasing does not do that. It makes the incidents of assault, stalking, unwanted unwarranted attention, perverted behavior or even in certain cases severe bodily injury and death just “minor “ or worse” trifling”.

But is it so surprising? That crime against women and blatant misogyny is so much a part of our lives that we do not even question the culture of fear we live in. It stems from the roots of our socialization. That we do not laugh at the apparent contradiction of educating our women about “appropriate apparel” to “protect” them even while condemning a stalking experience. That senior journalists on national television debate if “women are asking for it” and attire just becomes one of the several chains which women are shackled by. After all the constitution says they are equal and that token is enough. So we have “family friendly” policies, the impact of which is to reduce freedom for women, as are the continuous efforts of the more right wing religious zealots. Women after all are possessions, to be guarded, protected, taken care of but in the end used.

And so we call it “eve-teasing”. Not crime against women, not assault, not stalking, not perversion( which is another story) . And we tone it down. It is “annoying”. Period. Of course it leads teens to an overwhelming sense of guilt, coupled with low self confidence. Steers women to the “safer” professions( and in case you think ”that” happened a long time ago, let me enlighten you with the fact that in 2004, one of my bosses told me “industrial marketing is not for ladies” in very modern NOIDA.) Never mind the economic, social and national implications. It is just “petty” Like women. Not serious enough.

Of course crime against women exists in the west also( I know this will be treated by a “ we have a tradition of treating our women like goddesses”) . But it is not disguised by an innocuous phrase. It is called what it is. CRIME. And that is where we need to get. Because unless we see it for what it is- A Crime, a heinous act against one half of humanity; not to be trivialized nor toned down, nor dismissed as an “annoyance” – no matter what laws the state makes against it, the streets, the buses, the alleys, indeed India will not be safe for women, nor indeed can we claim respect as part of our tradition.