Lesson 3: Real Men are Feminists

Have you done the double take muttering what-stuff-is-she-talking-about? Yes? Good we can continue then. I repeat. Real men are feminists. Because Feminism is not an exclusive women’s only club. It is, as Katha Politt says , about people who answer “Yes” to the query” Are women human”. Real men like real women have already answered in the affirmative to that.

Now where on earth does one find that rara avis the “Real” man. Mind you this is not about the macho huntin’, shootin’, fishin’ smelling of tobacco, fighting bears with bare hands person.That you probably would not find in the real world but in a James Bond fantasy. Nor the opener of doors , payer of checks, secret drooler of Playboy or whatever it is that grown up adolescents spend time soothing their hormones over. Again the Ian Fleming creation fits better here. Nor the guy who insists on being domineering and blusters through situations with fake bravado. Yes, and a real man does not need tradition to justify his behavior.

A real man is a good human being. It is as simple and as complex as that. A real man thinks for himself and knows his place in the scheme of things. He does not require the crutch of tradition nor of social sanction to live his life. Nor does he need to be on a constant race to show himself superior. Because he knows his strengths and is comfortable with them. He does not need to be constantly competing with others, specially the superciliously termed “weaker” sex to prove his worth. Quite simply the adage of the empty vessel making the most noise holds truest here. Because bluster and bravado and a put on macho act are in the end all signs of a deep rooted insecurity and an inferiority complex.

A real man thinks for himself. He does not need to justify his actions and behavior by using the oft spoken “That is the way it has been” He is rational. Tradition for him is important, but misogyny belongs to antiquity. As do traditional gender roles. Because he is not afraid of moving beyond the established norms to fulfill his true potential. Because he knows that those judging him a sissy( funny how the worst abuse for a man is calling him a woman – Full Frontal Feminism, Jessica Valenti) do not define his worth. He defines and lives it himself.

And the real man is not afraid of expressing his emotion. He does not hesitate in expressing what he is going through. Because he knows that suppressing emotion is unhealthy. For himself and those around him. And this goes especially for negative feelings- those of cowardice, fear, sadness. Because the real man knows he is not perfect. Instead he is aware that he needs to be working on his shortcomings. But he does not need to cloak them.

So, well adjusted and happy in himself that he is, the real man seeks the same balance in the world around him too. He looks for the same well-being in the people he deals with. Since he fits into no defined mode in paticualr he does nto automatically stereotype and class others in the moulds too. He does not look at women as the “Other”. They are living breathing humans to him. With as much rights to their lives as he has to his.

He does not need clarification from his women friends that their being feminists, or their struggle for equality is not about reducing his status somewhat. His status is entirely a function of himself, not of the world around him. He knows of the inequality in the world around and does wish to help even the balance. He does not seek safety in numbers becoming a Men’s Rights Activist, trying to “save the family” because he knows that traditional gender roles too often tend to perpetuate the domination of one sex by the other. He knows that equality of the sexes is desirable because it is beneficial for both men and women ( He may or may not have read Simone de Beauvoir” When we abolish the slavery of half of humanity, together with the whole system of hypocrisy that it implies, then the "division" of humanity will reveal its genuine significance and the human couple will find its true form”). True equality and rights for all help in raising his fellow men from the level of beasts unable to control their sexual feelings, and it also serves to create respect for all individuals as humans, besides doing all the good things specifically for women. He knows, that if only for the respect it gives men, feminism and the contingent equality is worth a try.

The real man does not need an explanation of semantics when women he knows declare themselves feminists. He is aware of what they mean. He does not objectify women, subjecting them to the goddess/ whore dichotomy, rather treats each person as a distinct human being, much like he is. And, best of all, the real man does not need to make any special effort to be Real. No trips to the gym and power muscle workouts( unless he likes that thing) No masculinity classes. No “special” diets. He just has to search his soul and look at the innate human decency within and begin treating fellow humans, men or women with the same respect.