Yin and Yang©

" Really going away. I mean actually going away"

It was hard to keep the jubilation from her voice. Then a hasty attempt at keeping a somberly straight face- and she succeeded. It helped that she was wearing her bottle-bottom glasses today, not her contact lenses. Her eyes would not have been able to hide the relief, joy, and the total sense of freedom.

But she heroically managed a:"Life is not going to be the same without you"Which if anything was true at least!

"I am going to miss you so much. You will miss me also wont you. You will write, wont you. Every week. Promise. Promise me that"
Even with farewell tears Yamini, was so demanding.

Swetangana found herself nodding wordlessly. "Yes, whatever"
She managed to mumble. Not trusting herself to say anything out loudly. Because her voice would give her away.

The window was rolled down, the engine purred to life and the small white car swung valiantly on the hill bend and vanished into the gathering February mist.

Swetangana felt so light, so happy. Freedom from bondage forever and ever. She whooped, much to amusement of old Mrs. Stevens, coming down the hill from All Saints. Then, blushed out "d'afternoon", turned the other way and skipped to her home.
****

Every child has a bete noir at school. The best friend- worst enemy combination. The one who is exactly alike at studies, sports. Has the same likes and dislikes and is generally a Siamese twin in everything including teacher's affections! The one to go to school with, also the one to wait for after games. The one about whom you know everything except perhaps the time since when that one has been the best friend. The bully and defender.Idyllic in childhood, destined to become a lasting lifelong relationship, if the green-eyed monster, envy does not creep in. Or if one or the other does not have a more sinister role to play.

Yamini and Swetangana were best buddies. Since pre-school pre-history. Both equally tall tots had found themselves sharing the same desk at school.And that’s when the trouble started.

Shared desks led to shared playtime and naptime- when the teacher thought you were sleeping, but of course you and your neighbor knew better.A simple survival strategy that put only children and those with much older siblings at a distinct disadvantage.Yamini, with her siblings a year apart either way, was much faster at the"Miss, her eyes are open."
Reports, which invariably led Swetangana to be made to sleep a little longer. Funny, that the not even the so-wonderfully-perfect-in-everything-she-knew Miss Wright never thought of asking how Yamini knew the others eyes were open.

In his sage fifteen-year-old wisdom Sameer bhaiya of course explained it away as:"You should not be friends with that girl"But he never did explain whom Swetangana should be friends with!

Now Swetangana was a really good child. Never thought of disobeying- be it parents, teachers, or anyone older. And that makes a child amazingly popular amongst those who matter- when it comes to prizes and marks, but"Look at Swetangana, why can't you get marks like her" heard at home does not make Swetangana popular at school!

Except Yamini. Who somehow did not seem to mind. Maybe it was because she was also as often called to do the honors in class by reading aloud and dusting the blackboard. Or maybe it was because the plump little thing stirred some chord in her.

Junior school meant homework and class work and class tests. Which was pretty much ok.
What were not, were the numerous B'day parties to be attended, with a gaily-wrapped little bauble, in a ruffled pink dress, and party-frilly socks. And gossip during the party games. Where a sharp little:” Same dress as at Anshu's party" was enough to send despondent little Swetangana into tears- manfully swallowed there, but vent in front of a sympathetic Mama an adoring Daddy and a somewhat callous Sameer (after all he was eighteen and the brat was a bother).Yamini did not really gain popularity ratings at home!

But it was school that mattered at least during the waking hours.Home was a trifle tedious with all the "be a good child and do your homework"" don’t splash about in the bird bath, you will catch cold."
School had the magic colors of noise, confusion and a horde of young people, at the center of which fairyland stood Yamini, whom Swetangana clung to.

Adolescence is possibly the most nightmarish part of growing up. Swetangana not only had her transition from plump chubbiness to lanky awkwardness to contend with, but also Yamini. Or rather the fact that she was still best friends with her. Why she often wondered. Company, habit, a mere inertness, the refusal to grow out of routine?

Sarcastic Sameer took to calling her: "You poor martyr, too dumb to say boo to a goose"But he did not matter now that his amazing performance in the Class 10 boards had been eclipsed by his subsequent jobless wanderings through most Metros"I don’t like her at all, but I cannot tell her that either"

Yamini was bossy, catty, demanding also downright nasty at times. Like when she borrowed the biology notes and "forgot" return them till after the exam. Also plays she wormed her way into and debates for which poor Swetangana took copious notes, prepared speeches- only to have the other steal them.And still Swetangana endured.

Then Yamini went away.
****

Heady exuberance did not endure much for Swetangana. It gave way to a steady feeling of calm and then slowly dissolved into her routine life, the initial exultation tossed away like Yamini's unopened missives from so-faraway Mumbai were.

Life unnoticed slipped back into the limbo between exams. There always seemed something to be studying for. Class 10 boards, then Clas12, the engineering entrances, then the semester tests. And teenage and young adulthood just seemed to pass by.

Sameer drifted on, job-hopped and was full of these ideas of making it big- here or there, till no one took him seriously. Recently the latest fad was immigration to some foreign land..

Mama grayed, gained weight and was beset with a hundred minor or imagined medical complaints. Maybe it was age or general weariness. The dissatisfaction of having two dearly loved children not doing quite as well for themselves as she had planned they would.

Daddy was beset with worries. Mostly financial. A series of unwise investments in shares purchased when everyone else was selling them. And a best friend who cheated him out of half a hill of an estate in Mehragaon.
Retirement and ever-increasing fees coupled with hypertension were not good tonic for curing wrinkles.

Love came to Swetangana, not as a flash of Technicolor as the books said it would be, but a faint pink blush in her gray life. Akash, her steady colleague. Who just said:” So lets" and there she was "going around"
Red roses and candy mush was for theatricals and films. Steady good girls found steady good guys promising stability and a regular life.
***

Swamiji spoke"Life is the bridge between this world and the next. Balance is what is required. Good and evil, day and night, black and white…Why do you, insignificant being look for happiness. Happiness like sorrow is transient. Calm acceptance that this shall be is what makes sense. Joy is unnecessary. Tears irrelevant. Just exist. This too shall pass"
Mama, always religious became a fanatic. Daddy got hooked too. Nothing really could move Sameer, but then he was away, out of home most of the time on his harebrained schemes.
Swetangana swallowed it all, like she did the "good luck" yogurt before exams. And it made so much sense. Life was diligent duty. It had its irritations to be borne and some joys, as was appropriate. Otherwise it was like a school dress, navy blue, starched white shirts and ironed stiff pleats, not a frilly party frock- a ridiculous fluffy something totally inappropriate for the weather.
Balance seemed so scientific.
Light and dark, night and day. And she began to read up on mysticism. Somehow the Taoist circle so reflected her. Equality of black and white. A perfect mixture would be gray. Steady, calm, no ups and downs, no exultation, defeats neither.
***

Too much of sedateness, a full stomach and no real problems lead too often to too much thinking.
Swetangana, would ponder for hours and hours.
And somehow the magic of names struck her.
Sameer, the wind, unreliable moving, restless.
Swetangana, the fair limbed one, well she was fair…
Akash, vast as the sky… with his ideas and lofty principles

And from the long forgotten mists of time came up Yamini- the night, dark, wicked, exciting.
Her diametric opposite.
Mixture, Balance, proportion, evenness…Good and evil.
A heady swirl.
Maybe it was a dream. Maybe a revelation.

But Yamini was so her balance.
Her opposite.
Light and Dark. Eternal Light, Endless Night.

The more she thought about it, the more it reinforced itself.

Yamini had been her opposite focus "evil central point"
It made sense too. All the while Yamini had been in her life, the world had been happening. Her life had bright sunshine.
White, Black and the other colors. Not a steady monotonous evenness

.Why she reasoned was because Yamini's presence, the insecurity she used to generate and the fear she evoked were balancing everything else.
And she had been bright in school- junior and middle. And somehow after Yamini- success left her.. A++ to a decentish B….

Whenthe black focus went away. And the black leached into everything… uniformity yes.. But a dull dead gray uniformity.

Bring back the black focus.. Would the color come back?


Everything makes sense if you think about it long enough and convince yourself about it. And once you yourself are convinced, what does it matter…?
****
It was a nice bright morning.
Why did she put on that extra touch of color on her lips- something’s reserved for the evening going outs. Something in her heart made her feel adventurous.

But she was sure today would be like yesterday, like the day before, like the day before…

But there was a new email in the mailbox.From some "Yo babe"Could not people stick to simple ids with their names? She thought with irriataion. Like hers swetangana@yahoo.co.in.
She would have trashed it, but her boss was late and there really was nothing else to do. On an impulse she opened it.

She opened the mail"Dear SwetanganaI am your friend Yamini, I wonder if you remember me…"

So she was back????
The black focus was back.
Swetangana swallowed.A little bit of a nervous apprehension, terror and a strange leaping joy.

She looked out of the window, the Gulmohar in full bloom looked particularly alluring. It was a lovely day. And the light from the window falling on her dress gave her pale skin a rosy hue. She smiled.

“Swetangana you look bewitching” Akash never paid extravagant compliments- never on the office intercom. She blushed a deeper crimson.

“Sweta”, her boss had been standing nearby, and she had not noticed. Smiling too. “You did a really good job on the Ikea project. Maybe we can move you into the creatives. Just remind me to talk to Darpan”A month after his flat refusal :”Too prim and proper, we need life”

Then the cell phone on her side rang."Sis, Sameer here. I have got a job in the US. The US, I cannot believe it"