A Heart-wrenching love story©

I have spent most of my adult life being in and out of love. And when I have not been in it, I have been writing about it, or reading about it. And the muse failing me, eating chocolate- same sensation.

And never analyzed the “why”. It became a sort of Cogito ergo.. situation- maybe Amaro ergo( I hope the Latin is right). Alright it is a warm , cozy feeling. But so is a cup of hot chocolate, with calories too- to battle long winter nights- or the comforter- which is less demanding to boot too.

But love makes for amazing poetry… No matter which stage you are at- the first blossoming, acceptance, the pains of unrequited untold love, the sweetness of a first kiss, passion’s fruition and fulfillment, then the deceit and the betrayal, the ennui, the breaking off, the cloying, choking that love binds with and the memories – rose tinted- or maybe a more violent hue, depending on where on is on the love spectrum- the pink of an innocence or the more vivid shades of a green possessiveness , a purple passion, maybe a red hate.

So it is about getting immortality of some sort at least. Heart-wrenching/ rending/ ranting- the funny thing is that there is nothing very different about the idea. Everyone undergoes the same emotion the same swings and everyone thinks they are in isolation. Its funny, you have support groups for everything- drunk driving, battered wives, trauma on pet deaths, maybe separation from chocolate( de-addiction) but nothing like a support group for “I am in love” Wodehouse did attempt it in Bachelor’s anonymous, but he, alas is rather antediluvian. And the poems…many an Amazonian rainforest has martyred itself to the cause of love and the effects of it.

When someone says :”I love you” what does it mean? That you evoke this warm cushy fuzzy feeling inside me and I want it to remain, so I say the only appropriate thing about it- use the word love. And there we are. But “I love you” is also the postscript to “Good night honey” or “How is your day going”. In some cases for “Mum, I did badly in the exam, but I am doing my best to hide the F I got” or even “Please, please may I borrow your maroon angora, it will so go with my dress”. Sometimes it stands for “Darling I maxed the credit card/ blew up the car/ burnt the toast/ did not take the trash out” Slightly far from the warm and fuzzy.

So then love is about the warm and the fuzzy. All well. Till the warm fuzzy changes places with the cold clammy “Is he at work or with that good looking colleague of his, the b****” maybe “Why is her phone engaged. She is talking to that a****** again” and the nasty “Well I have to do all the work around here” or the arrogant “She spends everything I earn” and later a burning “How dare he pull me down in front of my friends” even the openly chilly “Your mother said….”

Personally I think it is a means of self mortification and self-flagellation!!