Cannot stop, cannot stop musing all this stuff. Heavenly stink from nearby field beckons with fierce urgency. Huge creature of bovine ilk placidly reaching for semi-decaying and strongly odiferous pile of peelings and other interesting stuff. Bark excitedly. Crouched low. Bovine continues eating as placidly, changing direction. Not to be ignored, bark more shrilly continuously, get closer. How can bovine not see? Cows ARE dumb creatures. But remember mama's teaching, persistence pays. Inch closer and burst into louder volley. Oh my god bovine is massive bull! Escape tossing horns, snorting nostrils, rescue three day decaying banana peel from pile and run for dear life. Bull rears out, tries to kick, bark – loudly – he is in grip of rope. Turn and bark. Rope breaks Bull charges. Run, run, run, run, fast, faster, faster, through the wheat field- aha strategy- angry humans chase bull out. Then turn on me. Stupid people. Lose banana peel in mayhem. Pick up dirty sock from gutter.
Saunter home importantly. Humans are so lazy, waking up now! Elder human in chair on verandah waiting for newspaper. Bare fangs at cheeky newspaper boy for whistling impudently. Sock drops. Growl fiercely. How DARE he look at my sock. Trembling newspaper boy has thrown newspaper over fence. Reiterate humans are stupid. Have been training him to toss it more elegantly, but he does not learn. Pick up sock. Carry it reverentially to elder human as a proof of morning exploits. "Chhee , so disgusting, Rameshji take it away" Even elder human cannot value precious things. Enjoy spirited chase with Rameshji over sock, till he resorts to cheating tactics and brandishes broom. Sniff at newspaper. Lift leg and try to mark it. Younger human, with shoes on now, lifts it up. Jump in position of mock attack. "No Bink No" serious fending off happening. Front page tearing. Tuck tail in and run around garden till human starts laughing. They are easy to please.
Mouth open, mount verandah steps. Clamber on verandah chair, elder human is sitting on my spot. Breathe hot breath on her face. Head patting and ear massing being done- good she is getting trained well. Bend head down while standing in gesture of bliss- tail stretched out straight. Settle down on floor. She can have the chair if she keeps on with scratching. Darn she gets distracted with leftover newspaper- must tear it more carefully tomorrow. Whine, push cold nose into hand. More scratching. Bliss. Tray with good China cups and hot tea kept on rickety table nearby. Scratching happening. Start to nod off. Wake up with notion that piece of fluff immobile the last half hour has evil intentions. Pounce on it. Rickety table, tray and fine china martyrs to the cause of safety.
"Bad dog" how can elder human be so blind. Yelp loudly. All human rush about. "Must have got hurt" of course they should not have kept wall in the way of expressing opinions. Forgive them all. Clamber on younger human and go lick, lick, lick, pushing tongue into interesting and smelly crevices on face- ears and nostrils. Satiated human talks of food for me. Milk and Dog food and biscuits again. Sorry. Want decent omelets with green chilies, cheese and tomatoes, toast and maybe some of that delectable Cake- it is in the fridge and some tea. Hunger strike at bad quality of food being served. Human tries to appease with nutri-nugget and doggy treats. Avoid them- bribes don't work always. Growl loudly over food bowl. Rameshji tries to remove it. Bare fangs in memory of ancient and threatened canine ancestors. Growl louder. Make hair on back stand for better effect. Let food dry in sun.
Humans settle for breakfast after more attempts at trying to take away bowl. Sit on carpet with mournful, they do not feed me look. Follow movements of food to mouth, sideways, easier to target young human with, "I am so unhappy" gaze. Toast and egg being passed under table. Wolf it down. Need nourishment for hard days work. Press nose to underside of glass dining table to disconcert elder human. Plan works. More toast and omelet handed out. Beg and eat banana with élan. Go to kitchen for more. Find some interesting eggshells in dustbin. Bury nose in smelly heaven. Rameshji chases out with broom. Use the comeback tactic. Defiantly knock a few things over. Grab rotting cauliflower stem and run outside in triumph.
Bark excitedly at neighbor's kids going to school. Terrorize youngest one to tears. Still hungry. How can humans survive on unsubstantial stuff like three egg omelets. Eat dried up food. Go inside to drink out of favorite bowl. They pee there, these humans are really weird. But the smell is worth the inconvenience. One of the few places I like- humans keep masking it with fresh linen and other smells- baah- as if those smells matter at all.
Back to stale remains of breakfast . Chase away sparrows trying to eat crumbs. Give up effort after a quarter down the verandah steps. Something interesting on backside, wavy and heavy. Turn to investigate, it moves too, follow it more engrossed in it, start going around in circles. Catch it finally. Oh it was the tail, funny, it must be the shadows- has NEVER looked like that before.
Drop down, dizzy with the effort.
…………………….
Elder human pottering about garden. Pulling out weeds, stirring up soil with all its exciting smells. Trot around to investigate. Give a few experimental tugs to freshly planted lobelias. Pull them out. Rich smells down there. Pull more. Nice soft earth to dig in. Whatever his faults, Rameshji prepares the flower beds nicely. Makes them eminently diggable. Memory of ancient rotting rubber shoe buried somewhere else surface. Dig busily. Push loose earth away with muzzle. Dig more, aha heaven. Get more interested and excited by all that. Dig furiously. Fascinating earthworm inches by. Show valor and prowess by decapitating it successfully. Try same tactics on beetle. Nasty creature spurts interesting smelling stuff on nose. Darn it burns. Yelp loudly. Retire injured. After marking claim to excavation by peeing at outer boundaries.
Younger human dressed in pristine white has returned after bath- smells strange of flowers and stuff- weird to mask interesting smelliness with something like fresias, its her though. Remember omelet-passing-under-table act of morning. With fondness. Express exuberant gratitude by planting paws on her front. Lick, leaving brown earth-stains on her face. "He needs a bath" people are so utterly impossible. They do not know how to accept love at all. Wild rush to garden in desperate bid to escape impending doom. Humans close in from different directions.- Rameshji from north, Younger Human South and Elder from East. No gaps in fence on West. Am captured.
Will not go to my punishment quietly. Raise several howls of protest. Long drawn out wails, make guttural noise like I am being slaughtered slowly. Make another escape bid in the bathroom- slip on tiles. More yelps. Dodge soap and water for a while, then dogfully give in. Register silent protests by howling, then snapping fingers. Receive smack and clout on head. Submit to more lathering and scrubbing. Yelp loudly at towel being applied. Shake myself loose. Shake a rainstorm of drops onto them. Growl more at towel application. Can't they be gentle at least.? Ordeal over. Am CHAINED, yes chained to armchair in sun. This treatment is appalling. Settle down to snooze in hot sunshine- letting the air wash over with dark thoughts of human kind in general and this family in particular.
Wake up with start a few hours later, young human is gushing baby talk :"Did wittle doggie have a bath" Growl in warning, but accompanying tummy scratching is heavenly. Lie down on back and submit to stroking, respond with back leg cycling. Languor sets in again. Nice self respecting doggie smell has been replaced by flowers- yuck. Must work on it. Later. For now am sooooo tired . Sink back into deep slumber. Dream of rolling fields and cats to chase. Follow them, running over hills and dales. Nearly catch one, it gets away, wake up barking.
Rich smell of cake and such like. Pakora's too. House in comfortable disarray- and young human has snapped chain off during slumber. Forgive the bath. Trot inside to find living room in disarray These people are so strange. Best room in the house and they do not use it. But there are heaps of cushions and things on the floor and strange cover things on them, being changed. Begin wild romp with covers. Younger human encouraging and laughing, Rameshji joins in laughter too. Elder human annoyed, but lenient.
Swooosh, gardenia smelling air freshener sprayed over- sniff, sniff and sneeze- humans and these flower scents ….Idly muse on how if canines had had their way of earth-domination all those eons ago how air-fresheners would be relevant like- stale meat, two day rotting trash, toilet smells.
Ears catch something approaching. Rush out barking, banging screen doors in protest. Must protect these people- silly though they are at times. How dare the red car drive up my driveway. Family gather around in attitudes of welcome. Peculiar. I will still do my job of protecting them. Elder human's boss and family. Not so sure- children look menacing. "Look nice doggie" Bare fangs to disabuse them of idea. Chase youngest to the house, trying to leap up. She trips. Slink away with more cries of "Stop it Bink". Flourish tail to offload steaming load near red cars tires- look up importantly as Elder human quickly ushers guest inside house, glares at me. Its difficult pooing at particular spot- why don’t they understand that acceptance ritual.
Steal into house right to the living room from other door. Of course I can open the screen door- learnt how to dfo it a long long while back. One of the first things to learn. Rear up on hind legs, if inside push handle with muzzle, if outside hold wooden slat with strong teeth and pull open. Of course have to sneak in quickly they can be nasty these humans- get the hinges tightened time to time then the door closes really fast- was nearly sandwiched the first time it happened. But have persistently loosened it yet again. Though these blackguards are talking about another repair job.
Anyhow, am ensconced under main sofa. Young human has seen me. But she is a softie. Just smiles and lets me be. Evben assists in passing bits of biscuits to me. “Mummie, look big doggie” Oh Gosh it’s that youngest child again. Little excited screams and a holler of “He might bite” Respect, yes, it is always welcome. Growl a little bit more. Young human takes charge ”He is a softie, probably more afraid of you than you are of him.” Outraged at insult but thump tail in approval of accompanying ear-scratching. Sure knows how to bribe.
Creep out from under sofa. Settle at elder human’s feet. Between her and boss. What if he decides to attack. Give a few barks- just vocal chords testing. “he is so protective” elder human is gushing( seething inside I know, but I need to be acknowledged. Am such an important part of the family) Beg shamelessly for biscuits from then-terrorized-now-mesmerized at my eating habits child. “yes we feed him all the food that you eat” Young human is quite informative in a stupid human-kind of a way. Timid hand being extended on fur. Growl for effect. Get cuffed- calm down- after another biscuit and surreptitious pakora. Extend head between paws. Slowly settle into languor- all this protection business is tiring. Drool lavishly on bosses shoes.
More activity. Why can’t these humans let a tired creature rest in peace. Now I must bark and jump about. Its deep-ingrained. Follow visitors to door. They weren’t that bad. The last lot was unspeakable. “Please would you tie up your dog” Wow. Its my house. If they have a problem with me, why can’t they sit outside. I mean have I ever gone about asking Ruffy and that unnamed mongrel in the village to go on and tie their humans because I am afraid of them? Afraid of humans- laughable- but even then. Never have I said, “Tie them, lock them outside, I cannot stand them”
People leaving. Race out of gate when red car leaves. More excited cries of “bink, bink” Don’t these guys learn. If I returned by calling me by my human name, I would have done it a long while back. Lead spirited half hearted chase. Its too darn hot to go chasing outside. But my humans need exercise. Cannot they be even grateful about these important things I do with their welfare in mind.
Brood on ineffable strangeness of this species of beings. Fall asleep doing so.
2 comments:
You have written this really well -it sounds so authentic and real that I almost felt I was Binky.
I too always look at sherry and womder what she must be thninking -a dogs' eye view of us humans!
Bink's a sweet heart! And a real brat:)Beautifully written. We always say our older, angelic dog thinks she is human, that is why she barks at dogs, sleeps with her head on our pillows, loves our cat, eats fried potato, chocolate cake and aloo methi. Like Bink she ignores most commands, best way to get her to do something is to ask her if she "wants a bath?" Loved reading this post.
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