The Free Lunch(C)

“Well isn’t that creative now, H2O for a drinking joint. What will they think of next, Khaana Khazaana for a restaurant. And then perhaps Vastra for a boutique….How utterly brilliant ”
I laugh. This is precisely the reason why I hang out with Shubham. Intelligent conversation. In stylish watering holes around the city. Not in some canteen over over-boiled cups of chai. Because the last time I had an intelligent, humorous, interesting conversation with a man my age was in college.

Really where do they go, those intelligent, articulate types. Maybe they emigrate en masse or join the peace Corps or something. Because they sure do not join the corporate world. Because that is the domain of the “seedha bachchas” or the slickers. The former are alright. But they cannot talk to women. At all. Unless you tie the knot- I mean the Rakhee. Even at work, they call you Ma’am and sit on the edges of the chair. Hang out, with them, you might as well as suggest they commit infidelity. The slickers are slick. The worship at the altar of themselves and want you a willing convert. They will wine you and dine you and talk about themselves and then expect you to pay back in kind. Oh yes, they do. They did pay for your meal. And of course “there aint no such thing as a free lunch…”

Anyhow, conversation you will never get from anyone. Not intelligent, articulate , interesting conversation. With the dinner paid for. Which is where Shubham comes in. Of course the “there aint no such thing…” part holds for him too. And he is married also. And now that you have rolled your eyes, clutched your hands to your heart and clucked mentally at my peccadilloes, I will proceed.

Yes the “no free lunch” part is there. But he tries in earnest. And intelligent earnestness is something worth watching. At the least it is very clever and entertaining. And since I have no desire of actually giving in, I can watch. And go home feeling better for myself having scrounged a meal off him. Bhumika- the significant other is a wonderful person. “Hypocrite” I hear you whisper to yourself. But so she is. Very good to talk to. She and I are not good friends because we move in different circles and neither sees a reason to be each other’s best buddy simply because her husband is my friend. For that is what Shubham and Bhumika are- he my buddy, she my buddy’s wife.

Yes I have played the “What will your wife say” card to get a “It is an open relationship” and indeed there have been several times when she has called me up an asked me to take her husband out- she has extra work to catch up with. Like today. I always wonder if she knows how he tries to hit on me, and maybe in their “open relationship” way laugh about it together.

H2O is mercifully quiet. Unlike the drinking places that are rowdy with music that gets louder and still louder till you become deaf before you finally walk out. And it is new. And clean. And smells decent. “Not like fried bhajjis in an aura of cigarette smoke” which Shubham dislikes. And so we are ushered in to the last booth but one right at the back.

“Snuggly cozy” Shubham says as we sit down. I prepare myself for another set of “lets get away to the hills for the weekend, just you and I” Today the lunch part is beginning early. Usually it takes at least a Whiskey . But mercifully he stops. And orders. Cocktails with a large bowl of munchies.

“What do you think of the new ad campaign” he asks- and starts taking notes
“It’s a bit too in the face, you could ..”
“..hold a sign that says SALE in bold red letters” he finishes for me.
“And the “family” concept is so over done”
We toss ideas over the table, and see the shape of new things to come. This is so much more meaningful that the 9 to 8 job I have- wedded to Excel.

Then the flirting resumes…So I lean back. Only to hear a suppressed giggle. Vaguely trying to distract Shubham, I murmur and shhh and listen. The voice is low, musical and reminds me of warm cinnamon.
“My husband thinks I am working late” Wow, this is a goldmine. I gesture to Shubham to stop chomping on the snacks and lean further back.
“Whats the matter”
“I can hear her”
“Its not polite, but go on, anything interesting” His lack of moral sense is very like mine
“Well she is having an affair”
“Sneaking off to meet the boyfriend. Did not know people did that. Must have a really stuffy husband”
“Shh let me listen”
Beautiful voice is speaking “Well, it really does not matter. We have so little in common anyways” I cannot hear her companion. But he evidently assents, for she continues.
“My husband is pretty smart, but is into non-soulful things. No theatre, no music, except film numbers… and his idea of reading is The Economic Times”
“He must be a moron” says Shubham as I relay it back to him. “Who would not pay attention to someone who sounds so wonderful”
“Anyhows, I work late”
“Good for her” more wisdom from Shubham” Give him what he deserves”
“And he never suspects. He possibly does not think I am capable of subterfuge like this”
“Only an idiot, who had not emotion would be unable to tell his wife was seeing someone else, must be an arranged marriage”
“Funny thing is we met at school and knew each other for years before we married”
“Some knowledge”
“I think he is so busily full of his work, his negotiations, his ad campaigns, he never even notices that my eyes glaze over when he talks”
“Someone needs to observe more carefully. Hey the lady needs a refill.”
“And then there are his conquests.”
“This guy sounds so lousy. I bet the girls also hang on to him for the expensive restaurants and the gifts.”
“I let him think I understand his “friendships” . Anyhows it really does not matter. Leaving him makes no sense really. I am perfectly foot loose and fancy free despite being married. Plus it adds such respectability.”
“Well the guy deserves it. He is possibly fluttering around some sweet young thing, trying to hit on her. I hope she brushes him off also. Deserves it , loser!”
“Next week my office has this offsite, you know, the one where we go to the hills. To the little resort nestled in the pine forest. Its so interesting working out these excuses. Last month it was a HR training. This time offsite. Then possibly a visit to a plant…”
“Well that is interesting. And the idiot does not even realize he is being cuckolded. What a laugh. I wonder if it is my boss. I would so love it if it was Rajat from Finance”
“You know what keeps our relationship going is this secrecy, this planning.. this stuff”
I have had enough- Vodka and the conversation are not a very good mix. I got up to use the little girl’s room- at the back of H2O. And never reach there.
“Bhumika” I do not realize I am shrieking. With laughter.

Sometimes you have to pay for your free lunch, with a credit card .