And you are called, What?

“I am sorry ma’am we cannot find any record of your cat here”

Well, that was because he was under Kalyan’s last name and his “real” name. So we looked for Leo, under Vedantam and managed to get a Vet’s appointment.

My cat has a nickname. How could we help it. We named him Leonardo when we got him from a friend. And added Licorice on Anoushka’s suggestion- black cat and all and the Bolt got tacked on because he runs fast ( re- TS Eliot- a cat should have three names). But he is also very cute and somehow we found ourselves calling him Guppy. Which became Guppanova, Guppitzki, The Gup, Gupton and took on other forms like Guppalu, Guppanu- which became Paanu and the crowning jewel in this nomenclature Giovanni Guppy- don’t ask why, it sounds so aristocratic. And he is not the only pet so called, my dog Bink was called Binks, Kalu Binks, Astro Bink Comet Doglet.

But then, my family has strange nick-naming traditions. At least my immediate family is interesting in what all they call each other. Take my mother for instance. She is called Chhotki or the little one, but she is trhe middle child. Her younger sister is Badki- the elder one and the youngest is Nanhki- or the tiny one. Which would maybe make some kind of convoluted sense. But her younger brother is Chhotkan- the little son, but he is older than Badki the elder one. As for my eldest uncle, let’s not go there, Ok? My aunt, who is elder to my mother, has a nickname that does not fit into the established nomenclature. She is called Kunni, indeed so much that no one, not even her coworkers know her as Vidushi.

And the town I grew up in was not too different either. One of parent’s friends had a son called Bittu. Which was fine, till another friend had a daughter they called Bittu too. So these two, due to the unoriginality of their parents came to be known as Ladka Bittu (the boy Bittu ) and Ladki Bittu (the girl Bittu). Names that they carried right through college- both of them had the misfortune of studying in the same town we all grew up in and going to the college their parents and parents colleagues taught in. Must have worked wonders for their confidence and esteem I am sure. Now the girl Bittu had two other sisters, who rhymingly enough are called Kittu and Mitthu- I know all their real names now- Facebook is useful sometimes.

So with this backdrop (the Bittus were much older to me), it is hardly surprising that when I was born, my name and nick name had been predetermined. Alankrita, I am officially. But at home I am Muskan. Which is pretty good, considering that one of my cousins is called Peachy at home- and by the same fruity analogy, her daughter is Plum ( I wonder if that is what prevents her producing Apples and maybe an Orange or so). But Muskan is too much a “real” name. So it dimunitizes to Muku or Meeku or other variations thereof. With the name handicap, I learned to compartmentalize early enough. So I was always Alankrita in school. I would pretend not to know any Muskan. Till they started with Alan, then horror of horrors Alu. MBA saved the day and I became Allie to most people. Till I came here and am now known as Critter! Yup that is what my professor calls me ( that and Crit). And worse horror, that is what his collaborators know me as- I have been called Critter at AOM meetings!

I was really surprised to learn that Kalyan does not have a nickname. He has been plain vanilla Kalyan all his life. Not anymore! Kalu is just the beginning. He responds to Avya ( that actually came from a watching of the film Eklavya, We are NOT fans of any of the Bachchan trifecta) and has had various prefixes( not to be mentioned here!!!) attached to it. Lately he has taken to answering to KCV with the Bond intonation. Oh and Red Rocket Singh too (we went for a screening of Rocket Singh- and I liked it please do not think any less of me!- and he used to work for a company called Red Rocket Solutions).

So what is this thing about nicknames? Pragya told me about how the Hungarians have name days where they may be named from a pre-determined list for the day they are born. Or a custom in Bali where names follow the order Wayan, Made, Nyoman, Ketut(she had it from Eat Pray Love). She told me how the Bengalis have Dak and Bhalo naams, a concept which Jhumpa Lahiri has so nicely explored in The Namesake. But isn’t it interesting how we try to make names our own by adding touches of sometimes maddening originality ( I knew of a Bhaiyoo, who says this nickname scarred him emotionally).

So what is your name, rather, what should I call you?