Hangover ©

I left you.
I had to.
No compelling enough
Reason to stay.

But I had promised
That I would
So guilt washed over me
Burning searing
Acid guilt
Guilt that eroded
Any vestige of respect
Left inside.

To somehow expiate
I made the going away
As bad for you
As I could
No good memory
Nothing for you to remember
With broad brushstrokes
Dashed over
A painting
Altered it horribly
Distorted
So that you would not feel bad

Even as that pervading guilt
Made me unhappier
And unhappier
I let myself remember the happy times
( Too few alas)
And not turn away at memory
Evoked by a sound or a smell
Mentioned, spoke
Thought about you
And what I had done.
Wallowed in a grief
Trying to expiate
A guilt
That should not have been.

Then I bundled
Those memories
And trashed them away
Yesterday

Because they serve no purpose
Except to wound me
Just like you did
Once upon a time